This is a story that I wrote a few years ago. I have no plans on publishing it. The first publishing rights to it were lost a long time ago when I posted it on my myspace page back in the day. (Way before I knew about the rules of publishing, and thought I would want to be a writer).
I hope you enjoy this story. It's not Sci-fi or Horror which tends to be what I write now, but it was the first story that I shared openly.
Finding Jensen
Muted colors filtered and danced through Jensen’s closed eyelids as the sun filtered through the clouds above, shining warmly on his face. He was drifting back and forth in the small moment between relaxation and sleep as his thoughts slowed. He loved the color play, until the light became blocked, more than just a passing cloud.
“How did I know I would find you out here?” Jensen opened his eyes, and winced at the sunlight that filtered through the brunette hair of the voice’s owner.
“Katie? What are you doing out here?” Jensen slid up, and leaned his back against the tree he was resting under. Katie clutched her sketchbook and sat down next to him.
“Mr. Ringler said I needed to diversify my portfolio more before I submit it. Can’t submit just surrealist portraits and dreamscapes.” She flipped open the sketchbook to a near photo-realistic representation of the field in front of them, barns, animals, and farm equipment included.
“You’re the best artist I know. You have a free ride to any art school you want.”
“I hope so.” Katie brushed her bang behind her ear and closed her sketchbook. “What about you? I’m pretty sure you can get into any school you want with your grades.”
“Yeah right, if I score high enough on my exams maybe. Need the scholarships, or else it ain’t happening.” Jenson picked at the soft green grass next to them.
“Having trouble studying?” Katie brought her knees up to her chest, and leaned her head on them. She turned her face toward him and smiled. Jenson shifted uncomfortably, and reached for the test book he had been studying from.
“It’s not the material, I just don’t have the time because of all this.” Jensen gestured to the field in front of them.
“You’re dad still being hard on you for the chores?”
“Yeah, you could say that.” Jensen’s family had been generations of farmers. It’s what his great grandad did when they first settled in the area. His grandpa and his father. It was expected of him as well, but that’s not what he wanted. He wanted to get out of this small town, but like typical stories, if you didn’t have the means, it would be impossible. Winning a scholarship was his only way away from it. “I want to go to New York city, study pre-law there. That way I won’t be too far away from my family if they need me.”
“That’s understandable. Have you tried just talking with your parents about it?”
“Yeah. Dad thinks it’s a waste of time. Mom’s been supportive, but she always is.” Jensen stood up and stretched. “What about you? Where are you planning on going?”
“California if I’m lucky. Miami has a big art scene too. I just want to get away from here. It’s nice, and homely, but I want some adventure.”
“I get that.” Jensen reached his hand down to Katie to help her up. She looked startled at his hand at first, as her cheeks flushed from the rising early summer heat. She accepted and wiped the grass off that stuck to her shorts. “You better head back toward town or you’re gonna be late for your shift at the Game Hub.”
“Uh, yeah.” Katie picked up her sketchbook and turned to leave but hesitated. She turned back to Jensen. “Um Jensen...can...can we talk later?”
Jensen picked up his test review book and looked back at her curiously. He had been friends with Katie since kindergarten. They had always been open with each other. It was a strange feeling knowing that they would be graduating in a week, and going their separate ways after this summer. They had both been busy with college prep that they hadn’t hung out as much as they used too.
“Uh sure. I’ll stop by the Game Hub with Dean tonight. You owe me a milkshake still for beating you at Magic finally.” Jensen smiled and watched as Katie turned beet red.
“Yeah. See you later.” Katie walked off back toward town, and Jensen walked back to the tedder to finish rolling all the long dry grass into hay bales.
The sun set quickly in the valley. Jensen looked at his watch as he walked back toward the house. It was seven o’clock. His mother would be finishing with dinner, and his father was probably already showered and reclining on his chair in front of the TV waiting for her to call them to the table. Jensen closed the barn door where they stored the tedder and began walking toward the large white farmhouse he called home. He stopped when he noticed Dean’s truck in the driveway. He was early.
Dean had been Jensen’s best friend since he moved into town in the second grade. Dean, Jensen, and Katie were the odd trio in school. Katie was into the arts, Jensen was a bit of a nerd and spent most of his time in books, and Dean was the typical jock golden boy. He played on the school’s baseball team, and already had a scholarship to play in college. Jensen was sure that he would make it professionally, even though Dean threw his arm out in his last game. He would recover. Jensen invited him over to help him study for their exams on Monday. Guess he would be having dinner with us too.
Jensen walked up the wooden steps and around the porch to the kitchen door entrance. They never used the front door, everyone always knew to come around the side to the kitchen. Besides, with the way that Jensen’s mom liked to cook and bake, it was the best door to come in. Jensen’s nostrils were immediately filled with the smell of his mother’s roast beef pot roast which brought a smile on his weary face. There were excited voices coming from the living room of his father and mother as they spoke with Dean.
“You played a really good game. Don’t worry, you’ll be out of that sling and back at training in no time.” Jensen heard his father say brightly. Too bad he never talked like that with Jensen.
“Thank you Mr. Mitchel.” Dean was always super polite when talking with adults, but in private, he usually had the mouth of a sailor.
Jensen’s mother turned as she saw Jensen come through the door and smiled. “Honey why don’t you go upstairs and shower. I wish you told me that Dean would be joining us for dinner.”
“Yeah, I wish I knew too.” Jensen laughed.
“I got bored waiting at home. Mom and Dad are out of town on business, and your mom’s cooking is better than leftovers.” Dean smiled his signature wide smile that usually made everyone around him fall for his good boy routine. Jensen knew better.
“It’s not a problem Dean,” Jensen’s mother beamed, “I’m going to get the plates and we’ll eat shortly.” She gently placed her hand on Jensen’s shoulder and gave him a small peck on his cheek as she walked passed him back to the kitchen.
His father’s smiling face faded as he turned back toward Jensen. “You finish the field?”
“Yeah, all the bales are rolled and in a neat roll for you.” Jensen waited to see if his father would be annoyed with him already. He didn’t like when Jensen was ‘smart’ with him.
“Good. I’m gonna need you tomorrow. Tracker busted. I gotta fix it, so you’ll take the truck.”
“Dad, I told you I can’t tomorrow. Our college entrance exams are Monday. I gotta study.” Jensen tightened his fist around the rolled up ball that was his test review book.
“You’ll do fine. You don’t need a fancy college.” His father huffed as he walked back to his recliner. Dean shifted his weight uncomfortably.
“You always do this! I don’t know how many times I gotta tell you I don’t want to stay here. I want to study law, and become a good lawyer so I can help some people out here. The local college doesn’t have a good pre-law program. I need to get out of here.” Jensen’s anger was rising.
“It’s a waste of time.” Jensen’s father muttered as he sat. Jensen’s muscles tensed, and before he could do anything he would regret, Dean was behind him, holding him back with his good arm.
“Dude, chill.” Dean whispered.
“Why don’t you want me to succeed? YOU JUST WANT ME TO BE A POOR FARMER MISERABLE WITH MY LIFE JUST LIKE YOU!” Jensen’s heart beat rapidly in his chest as his father’s skin turned from white to a deep red.
“HOW DARE YOU! I work everyday, hard so you and your mother have a roof over your head and food on the table!”
“This isn’t what I want!”
“As long as you live under my roof you will do what I say!” Jensen’s father stood up, and towered over him.
“Fine!” Jensen shirked out of Dean’s hand on his shoulder, “Then I won’t live here anymore.”
Jensen walked past his father and up to his room. He furiously began packing his duffel bag with clothes, his power cords for his phone, pictures and books. He was over this. He was eighteen. He didn’t have to stay here anymore. He wasn’t going to let his father ruin his future. He heard footsteps coming up the steps, and turned to see Dean pale and nervous in his doorway.
“J are you serious? Come on. Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?”
“No. I’m tired of his bullshit. Dean you know this is the only way I’m going to get anywhere. You have your ride already. This is my only chance.” Jensen stopped and sat on the bed. “I can’t stay here. If I do, I’ll never leave. Going to just continue the cycle.”
“Damn…” Dean walked over and sat next to him. “I was really looking forward to your mom’s roast too.” Dean cracked a smile, “I’ll give you a ride. Where you going to stay?”
“I have no clue. Don’t suppose I can stay with you?”
“Unfortunately no. Mom and Dad come home tonight, and you know we don’t have the room.” Dean lived in the trailer park at the edge of town. His parents ran a homemade candle business, and spent most of their time traveling between craft shows and fairs selling their merchandise. They liked the free life, and Dean didn’t mind because he had Jensen. They had a lot of sleep overs growing up. Dean was Jensen’s brother, and was always there for Jensen when he needed it. “I’ll drive you into town. Maybe you can ask Katie?”
“Yeah. Her family has that apartment above the Game hub. She always says they have a room they don’t use.” Jensen stood up and finished packing, “Besides, she said she wanted to talk tonight.”
“Oh really?” Dean chuckled.
“What?”
“Nothing. We better hurry up if you want to do this. Before you change your mind.” Dean held the door open, and Jensen walked through.
Jensen’s mother was at the bottom of the stairs, tears rolling down her eyes. Jensen couldn’t cry. He needed to be clear in his resolve. This wasn’t fair to his mother, but he would call when he was settled. He walked down the stairs, and she grabbed him tightly.
“Jensen, please...please don’t leave. Not like this.”
“I’m sorry Mom. I have too. I promise, I’ll call.”
“Let him go Margaret.” His father’s flat voice came in through the living room. “He thinks he’s an adult, so let him go.”
“Rodger…” Jensen’s mother’s hands tightened briefly on Jensen’s shoulders before they fell slowly from them. She stepped back, wiping the tears from her face.
Jensen unlocked the front door that opened with a creak as it’s hinges operated for the first time in years. He pushed open and glanced back at the image that would forever be implanted in his brain for this moment. His mother crying, and his father’s look of angry disappointment.
“Come on.” Dean gently pushed Jensen the rest of the way out the door.
The drive back into town was only about ten minutes. Dean put on the radio, and they were silent as they drove. Jensen leaned his head on the cool glass of the window, and watched the shadows rush by in the night.
The truck shook as it drove into the uneven parking lot of the Game Hub. Katie’s family converted an old convenience store into a hub where all the local kids could come together and play arcade games, sing karaoke, or play pool. They served burgers and shakes, and was a staple hang out for Dean and Jensen. Being best friends with the owner’s daughter got them a lot of free food growing up.
Katie smiled brightly when she saw them enter. She had a tray of food in her hand. She waved, and pointed for them to sit at the bar as she rushed to a table in the corner to serve the family sitting there. Jensen dropped his bag in front of him and climbed onto the high stool. Dean sat next to him and turned his back to the bar, gazing at the other patrons.
It wasn’t long before Katie came over, face full of glitter and sweat. Jensen felt his lips parting into a smile when he saw her, and he couldn’t figure out why.
“Hey, you two are early!” Katie leaned over the bar. “And Jensen you are filthy!”
Jensen laughed nervously, and Dean spun around, wrapping his good arm around Jensen. “Yeah, this idiot decided tonight is the night he was leaving home.”
“What?” Katie’s smile faded as she crossed her arms and looked at Jensen. “What’s he talking about?”
“I told my dad off finally.” Jensen shrugged, “So now I’m homeless. Don’t suppose I can use your spare room? It would just be a few weeks, and then I’ll be gone for college.”
Katie bit her lip, and tapped her foot. “Wait right here.” She walked off to the office in the back. There was a window so that her parents could see the business floor at all times when they were busy in the back. Jensen watched as Katie spoke with her parents who looked back at Jensen worried. He smiled and waved back at them. They hesitantly returned the wave. Jensen swallowed back at the dryness that had been growing in his mouth as the anxiety of his decisions continued to settle in his mind. Katie came waltzing back with a smile across her face, as she began filling up a metal cup with ice cream.
“You can stay. You’re gonna have to work here though.” She brought the cup over to her mixer and blended the ice cream with the cookie crumbs she poured in. She poured it into a glass and stuck in a straw. “Your last free milkshake.”
Jensen laughed, “That’s fine. This is easier than farm work, and it’s not all day.”
“That’s what you think.” Katie laughed.
“Well, I don’t know about you two, but I’m starving! I was promised roast beef for dinner, but now I gotta settle for a burger and fries I guess.” Dean grumbled.
“Sorry Dean.” Jensen grimaced.
Dean shrugged, and grabbed a spoon from behind the bar top. He scooped a portion out of Jensen’s milkshake and shoved it in his mouth with a smile. They hung out and ate together for an hour. Then Dean and Jensen took a booth in the back while Katie finished her shift. They studied like they had planned to earlier, until Dean’s brain couldn’t handle it anymore or he was too distracted by the surroundings. When his on again off again girlfriend Tonya showed up, that was the end of it. Dean left, and Jensen was alone, waiting.
Around eleven, Katie began ushering out the remaining kids and families. When the last group was out she locked the door. She came over, her short hair fraying out of the small pony tail she had pulled it back in. She wiped her brow, and nodded for Jensen to follow her. She led him through the back, past the offices to the stairs. They climbed the old wooden steps, and the creak of every step was the only noise between them until Katie broke the silence.
“So that spare room kind of became my unofficial studio, so sorry about the mess.”
“That’s not a problem. Thank you for helping me.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll clean it up while you shower.” Katie unlocked the door at the top of the stairs that led into the apartment. The wood floors creaked beneath their feet as the walked through the living room to the back bedrooms. Katie opened the door across from her bedroom, and immediately began gathering sheets of paper, revealing a bed underneath. Jensen dropped his bag in the corner, and looked at all the images on the sheets strewn around. There were cityscapes, animal portraits, landscapes, and to his surprise, pictures of him. Jensen picked one up.
“When did you do this? When I was sleeping in the field today?” Katie turned to him and her face turned a shade of red that Jensen hadn’t seen before. She snatched the paper out of his hand, and crumpled it close to the others in her hand.
“Uh yeah...you were laying out there for a while. Thought you looked peaceful.” She didn’t meet his vision when she spoke, and continued to hurry around the room.
“Katie?” Jensen touched her shoulder softly, and he could feel the tension in her muscles.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I mean why wouldn’t I be.” She brushed out of his hand, and continued to move around the room.
“It’s just...you’ve been acting kind of off lately.” Jensen watched as Katie froze in place. Her shoulders, more tense than before. “Katie?”
She let out a breath Jensen didn’t know she was holding. “Damn it.” She turned around and smiled sheepishly at Jensen, her face rosey.
“Wanna sit?” Jensen gestured to the cleared bed. Katie placed the pile of pictures on the nearby desk and sat down. Jensen sat next to her. “What’s going on?”
“This is not how I wanted to talk about this.” Katie’s fingers clutched at the fray ends of her shorts as she looked down at the floor in front of her. “We’ve been friends a long time. And clearly, everything is changing.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, this might be...might be my last chance to say this before we part ways.” Katie looked up at Jensen, finally letting her brown eyes meet his. “I got accepted into my dream school in California, I’m leaving at the end of this summer.”
“Oh my god Katie that’s great!”Jensen began feeling nervous around Katie. He hadn’t felt this way for a while. He couldn’t help looking back into her eyes as they sparkled in the room’s light. Her rose lips slightly parted as she thought of what she would say next.
“Yeah, but…” Katie’s face became red again.
“But?” Jensen felt his heart beginning to race and his face getting warm as he continued to look at her.
“Like I said, we’ve been friends a long time. I’ll regret it if I never say this…” Katie began to play with the frayed thread of her shorts again. Jensen knew what she was talking about now, as his own heart began to beat in his ears. They had been friends for a long time. They could tell each other anything. Anything but this. Jensen had these feelings for a few years now, but pushed them aside because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship.
“Katie…” Jensen gingerly placed his hand under her chin, and brought her gaze back to him. He leaned down, and pressed his dry lips into her soft ones. Her shock left quickly as she closed her eyes and returned his kiss. When he pulled away, Katie’s face was a new shade of red. “Sorry.”
“No!” Katie waved back, and brushed back the few hairs that had escaped her ponytail.
“Well, if I knew that’s how you felt too, I would have said something sooner. Now I feel I wasted time.”
Jensen grabbed Katie’s hand in his. It felt nice being this open with her. “Well, we have all summer, and we can try long distance. College is only four years right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” They played with each other’s fingers. When Katie looked up at him again, he wanted to kiss her again. This time she initiated it. She reached up, and pulled him toward her, running her fingers through his hair. There was a creak of a door down the hall, and they immediately ripped apart. “You should uh...go take a shower while I finish cleaning in here.”
“Yeah, sure.” Jensen bit his lip, his body feeling slightly different than before. Especially when he looked at Katie. He grabbed his clothes and walked to the shower.
That summer flew by faster than Jensen would have liked. He was accepted into NYU, and before they knew it, everyone was leaving. Dean left for Rhode Island, and Katie left for Los Angeles shortly after. They tried to stay together, but long distance relationships never work. Sometime between their sophomore and junior semester they decided to go their separate ways.
Jensen graduated top of his class, and got accepted into Yale. He made a career. Became a defense attorney in the city, making good money fighting for the little man. However, no matter how many achievements he had, it never stopped the void he felt when it came to his parents. Calls home would just be with his mother. Birthday and Christmas cards were all signed by only his mother.
Jensen loosened his tie as he walked into his dark condo. He tossed his keys on the black marble countertop, and his suit jacket on the nearby high chair. He walked to the fridge and rolled up his sleeves. He grabbed a beer, and then pulled his phone out of his pocket, noting three messages. He put it on speaker, and walked over to the small living room, as he sat down. He let the messages play as he relaxed.
“First message…” The blank female computer voice rung back at him, “Hey J it’s Dean! I’m in town for the week, then going upstate for spring training. We need to hang out! Oh by the way, Katie is in town too! We should all get together, like old times!”
Jensen paused, his bottle’s tip barely touching his lips. He hadn’t seen Katie since they broke up. They still talked, but never in person.
“Next Message…” Jensen finally took a drink, but froze again at the next voice. “Hey Jensen, it’s uh...Katie. I’m setting up a new show in Brooklyn. Would love to get to see you. I went back home last month. Saw your parents. Your mom looks good, your dad well, maybe you should go home for a bit? Anyways, you’re probably busy, but I ran into Dean. Said we should do something. Let me know.”
Jensen placed his beer bottle on the table in front of him. Memories of his youth and time with Katie flooding back. The mechanical voice of his messages wouldn’t let him reminisce long.
“Last message.” Jensen grabbed his phone as soon as he heard the familiar voice of his mother come through. “Jensen, it’s your mother...Um...your father. He collapsed in the field today. I’m at the hospital. I...I don’t know what to do...The doctors say it’s his heart. I’m sorry to worry you. I just...Please call me.”
Jensen rushed to the counter and grabbed his coat and keys, his heart pounded in his ears as he slammed the door behind him. The drive was four hours, and the sun was beginning to rise as he pulled into the parking lot of the small rural hospital. He ran inside, and was directed to the ICU. As he turned the corner he found his mother, hair now thin and greyed. Lines under her eyes in places they did not exist before, her skin old, and limbs frail. Sitting next to her was a brunette with long curly hair. When she flipped it out of her face, Jensen saw it was Katie. She stood up, and walked to him, embracing him in a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry about your dad.” She whispered into his ear. Her breath was warm and tickled the nerves on his ear.
“Katie? I...wha?”
“Your mom called me when she couldn’t reach you. We’ll catch up later.” Katie’s hand lingered in Jensen’s for a moment, before it slipped away as she left down the hall. Jensen walked over to his mother.
“Jensen?”
“Yeah mom, it’s me. What happened?”
“You know your father, always stubborn. Thinking he’s still in his thirties. I told him he had to slow down. We sold most of the farmland since we had no one to work it...but your father...he didn’t want to let it all go.”
“If you guys were having money issues, you should have told me.”
“It’s not about the money. You should go speak with him.” Jensen’s mother’s eyes were distant, like she was there in body, but not in mind. “The doctors…”
“Yeah. I’ll be right back.” Jensen kissed his mother tenderly on the head, and walked down the hall to his father’s room.
The large strong vision of his father, gazing angrily at him as he left home all those years ago was gone. Now was a small frail old man. The color, gone from his skin, wires covered him, connected to a variety of machines.
“Who’s there?” The gruff voice of his father was dry and weak.
“Dad, it’s me.” Jensen took a step forward. His father’s eyes went wide upon seeing his face. Jensen watched as the steady beat of his heart monitor bounced up slightly.
“Jensen?”
“Yeah.” Jensen walked over to the side of the bed.
“Why are you here?” The awe in his father’s face left, returning to the gruff exterior Jensen was used too.
“Dad. Mom called. You aren’t good. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have gotten you better doctors. I could have come and helped on the farm.” Jensen reached for his dad’s hand, but the old man was still quick and took it away.
“Why would you care?” Jensen watched his father’s expression. There seemed to be a brief moment where the hard exterior broke.
“I’m your son, you’re my father. Of course I care.”
“I don’t have a son.”
“What? Dad, this isn’t…”
“My son left years ago…” His father tried to turn away, “Go, leave. You don’t need this old man holding you back.”
“Dad-”
“Get out of here! Nurse!” Jensen clenched his fists, as he stood abruptly and marched back down the hall. His mother stood upon seeing him.
“He doesn’t want me here. I shouldn’t have come…”
“No Jensen, he does care. I don’t know why he can’t-” Jensen’s mother stopped as her eyes became empty again. Jensen touched her hands gently as she came back, “Why don’t you go to the house. I gave Katie the keys. Get some sleep, come back later.”
“Mom…”
“I’ll be okay here. I’ll call you if something changes.” Jensen’s mother kissed his head and walked down the hall back to his father’s hospital room.
Jensen pulled into the old driveway of this home. Sitting on the front porch was Katie, with a large glass of wine in her hand, and a blanket wrapped around her body. She stood up as he pulled in and filled another glass. As Jensen walked up the steps she offered it to him.
“I figured you would need this.” Katie smiled as Jensen took the glass.
“Thanks.”
“So, how’ld it go?”
“He didn’t want to see me. Said he has no son.” Jensen leaned back against the old couch and closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.” Jensen opened his eyes and placed the wine glass on the small table beside him. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Coming out here. Helping my mom. You didn’t have too.” Jensen wiped the tiredness from his eyes as he tried to smile.
“Your family is my family. We grew up together, and dated for two years.” Katie smiled back. She grabbed Jensen’s hand in hers. “I’ll always be here for you.”
Jensen smiled. Looking at Katie, being this close again, the memories rushed back.
“Thanks. So, tell me about yourself. Married yet? Got any kids?” Jensen grabbed the glass again.
“No. A lot of guys in the art world are self pretentious ass holes.” Katie smiled, “You?”
“Nope. No time for dating.”
“Too bad.” Katie’s old flirtatious smile flashed across her face as she took another sip of wine.
They talked for hours on the porch, never making it inside. Catching up on over ten years of being apart. It felt good, and was a pleasant distraction from the pit growing in Jensen’s stomach over the state of his father.
Katie stayed for a week, helping his mother while Jensen made sure his father’s estate would be secured for his mother. It was another month before his father finally passed. Jensen never got another chance to speak with him and make amends. Jensen took an extended leave of absence from work to help his mother pack his father’s things that she would not need.
While clearing out the closet, Jensen stopped as he saw a small box tucked in the corner with his name. He pulled it out, and brought it back to the bed where his mom was sitting, folding clothes into boxes. She turned, and her eyes widened as she saw the box.
“Mom, what is this?”
“It was your father’s. Open it.” She placed her hand on Jensen’s shoulder tenderly.
Jensen opened the box, and it was full of news articles from Jensen’s big wins in court cases over the years. There were pictures from his graduations, but Jensen didn’t remember seeing his father or mother there.
“What? Why?”
“Your father was a very proud man. I don’t know why he couldn’t just open up to you. He was proud of you. He wanted to talk to you, but as the years went by, maybe he felt it was too late?” Jensen felt the warm tears beginning to stream down his face.
“I wanted to connect with him again. I tried, but he…”
“He didn’t want to hold you back.” Jensen’s mother got up and grabbed the tissue box off the dresser.
Jensen remembered the last words his father said to him in the hospital. “You don’t need this old man holding you back.” Jensen hugged the box in his lap as the tears flooded out. He thought his father never cared about him. Jensen’s mother held him tight as he cried.
“I didn’t know...I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t know.”
***
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